Someday

Okay, I've officially been back for almost 2 weeks. and it stinks.
I miss Israel.
I miss feeling unique and respected and hip.
I miss the genuine kindness that the Middle East has to offer through its unique community.
And despite the fact that it is nearly a billion degrees here, I miss the hot clean sun of Jerusalem.
More than anything else I just want to go and swim in the Sea of Galilee, to refresh myself in that blissful lake. Sometimes when I roll down my car windows, I can almost hear the waves sloshing against the shore.

Well, life here is back in full swing. and somewhere between my current jobs and preparing for my future one, I feel trapped in isolated mediocrity. It's not that I don't like either of them, or want to explore the opportunities, it's just that...nothing I do right now helps anyone else.
In the grand scheme of life, my impact right now is nil.
People in other countries are dying of malnutrition while being stuck in places they can't leave with their houses being torn down without warning. And I help fix computers for people who can afford them, as well as safety and nutrition. And then on the weekends I cater to the children of the elite, helping celebrate growing up in luxury, where all little girls are princesses.
It's not that computers are bad, nor is having royal ideals.
What if those people used their influence, technology, and earnings to help someone other than themselves?

What if everyone in privilege took just one day a year to help one person in poverty, no strings attached?

Well, then maybe I'd be content.
I'd be happy to watch "Someday" by Rob Thomas and know that a world like that can exist.


And instead of working towards that, I am busy being tested (in every way possible) to see if I will be a proper DCFS employee. Then, maybe, I can start helping people, but being controlled by the state can never make it easy for me to make the impact I want. I'll be working for the system that I am consistently frustrated at for oppressing people. But God has power beyond them, so hopefully I can work for Him and not them...

I guess we'll see, and maybe, someday, we'll figure all this out...

Jetlag

is the worst thing ever.
I thought it was a myth.
I thought, it can never happen to me, I felt so great flying over and adjusting with just one day of sleepiness.
Well, America is different, and jetlag is awful.
The first day I got in at 6:30am, felt woozy all day, took an hour nap at like 2, and then couldn't keep my eyes open past 10pm. and then I woke up at 6am. I thought, okay, great I'm adjusted, not too shabby.
Yesterday I felt sick every time I was in the car, could only eat small amounts without wanting to barf and would have random sleep attacks throughout the day, eventually leading to me falling asleep around 5 and having to drag myself awake until 10. and then I woke up at 3am.
I've been up since then and I have to work in an hour and a half.
Let's hope I don't crash or barf on the way there.

Homeword Bound

Today was an odd last day.

Got up, had a nice chat with the man, and then walked to the Moslem district for coffee with a friend working in Jerusalem for the summer at a cardiac clinic. Seeing where she worked was amazing, and meeting those adorable children who are being given a free chance at normal heart functioning. 

Then I came back for lunch and had some last minute errand bonding time with the gals and we watched Friends for an hour instead of napping. I said goodbye to my friends in the Old City, good ol' Shaban, Louie, Lutzfig, Munir, Abdab, and Soloman. I almost felt bad telling the airport security people that I had not spent time with any Arabs, as most of my favorite people in Jerusalem were...

I will always miss the Old City, while hating its overwhelming nature none the less. The thick smell of cumin mingled with freshly carved flesh and ten thousand sour candies beneath the bright flagged scarves of the Moslem district. The constant chatter of anxious shop owners, foreign jewelry and tacky ornaments in the Christian district. The faint lingering of pottery dust cluttering the air in the Armenian district. And the crowds of devout Jews towing children, wife, and tractor all the way to the synagogue on shabbat. 

I can never explain so many things of Israel.

I can never explain the way one feels more valued in conversation, and more accepted because of a smile. How do I explain the doctor in the hospital smoking in his scrubs with pointy Italien patent leather shoes, or the sound of a tractor pushing its way through the Old City? I want to, but I can never spell out an accurate picture of the way a priest looks at you, compared to the rabbi, or the way the Sea of Galilee's waves flow with you through the following days, the constant movement of the water becoming your stroll. 

i won't even try.

After my shopping and goodbyes and Friends I ate my final questionable dinner with my closest friends (save April) and packed up my bags for the last time. I can't believe I've left, well...that I am in the airport. I want to start over again.

The ride here was more terrifying than all the Los Angeles traffic in the world, don't ever trust a sheurut driver, they'll drive you 95 miles per hour off a cliff. 

but I guess the day is finally done. I am sleepier than a sloth and ready for this flight to begin, only another hour till boarding...

see you tomorrow America. Happy independence.